Get the Eff Out the Street {And 4 More Pokémon Go Safety Tips for Parents}


By now I am pretty sure you’ve heard about, read, or have seen someone playing Pokémon Go. I’m not here to debate you on whether or not the game distracts from current events or if it’s a waste of time–I’m here to keep your baby’s ass off my bumper and my Geico insurance rates relatively low. Capisce?

  1. Be Aware of Your SurroundingsSeriously, in the words of the illustrious poet Treach…“If you ain’t never been to the ghetto. Don’t ever come to the ghetto. ‘Cause you wouldn’t understand the ghetto…” I wouldn’t care if you heard there was a Charizard near the chicken spot on Linden and Crescent; it ain’t worth it, b! (This tip is particularly important if you’ve be “lured” there.)
  2. Join In on the FunIf you’re using the game to pass the time, get in a few extra steps, or as an excuse to hang with your teen outdoors–take advantage of those moments and make the most of them. Talk to the neighbors you never noticed at a Pokéstop–go on, they won’t bite. If you opt out of playing but still choose to go out hunting with your kid, you are now the designated watcher–so stay alert and keep an eye out for any ponds or cliffs.
  3. Pick Your Head UpThe Pokémon Go app has a vibration feature that alerts you when a creature is near enough to be captured–use it and walk like you give a damn about your posture and your life.
  4. Quell Your Inner-Kanye and Block In-App PurchasesIf you want to save yourself the headache of trying to negotiate any unusual charges on your next month’s billing cycle, do yourself a favor and Google how to block in-app purchases {actually, we decided to lend you a hand with this one..don’t say we never did anything for you. Click here.} Pokémon Go’s in-app purchases include cool and useful tools like Poké Ball Packs to creepy ones like the controversial Lure Modules, which may lead you to the chicken spot that we warned you about in tip #1. Either way, put some respect on your data plan, wallet, and the jux…in that order.




Photo credit: Kaboom Pics

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